Protecting and Perfecting

“Why would you save me if you knew I would sin again”?  I asked God this question with a sincere heart after going through one of the hardest trials in my life.

I thought that after I was baptized in Jesus’ name, filled with The Holy Ghost and lead a holy life I was perfect. After all, everything felt perfect. I had never been happier. I could enjoy life with no regrets. I had a new church family that welcomed me with loving arms.

But after the newness was gone and that same church family rejected me I questioned God’s motives. I questioned my choice. Was this life really for me?

First, I knew the truth: God sees everything and nothing happens unless He allows it. So I wondered and wandered through what was my Job experience. 

  1. I came to Jesus in complete shambles to begin with. I was raped at 3, bullied, abused, rejected and worst of all prideful. (After growing up with nearly nothing and no opportunities, I believed that I took control of my life and was the reason for my success.)
  2. I had lost everything. My apartment, my friends and my family. 
  3. I got pregnant with my first child. 
  4. My boyfriend broke up with me. 
  5. I had two master’s degrees and the teaching  job that was promised to me was given to someone else. 

My first assumption was that God was punishing me. I stepped outside of my Christian circle because of church hurt and this was my consequence. But God whispered to me, “You do realize I could have given you something other than a baby?” I just wept and in reply said, ” Lord this is your child, that you gave me. Take care of him.” He did just that. But I was still so bewildered. 

I wanted out. Out of these circumstances, out of an emotional rut, out of this major setback. As much as I cried and prayed, I realized:”God will not protect you from, what He will perfect you through”. 

I humbled myself. Rid myself of things that weren’t of God and got back to living a holy life. I couldn’t go back to my old life. I knew God. I mean really knew God and all he delivered me from. I had beheld His glory, His healing and His love. He didn’t leave me or forsake me. He was perfecting me. He was given me the anointing to empathize with others that would and have gone through trials. He was given me the greatest gift-knowledge of Him. 

After my Job experience, I was a more mature Christian and woman. My faith was increased. My spiritual gifts were stronger. I strained to hear the voice of God so much that I could hear even His whisper. I had better relationships with my friends. My boyfriend became my husband. He was baptized in Jesus’ name and filled with the Holy Ghost. I received a teaching job paying $40,000 more than my previous job. God showered me with too many blessings to list without seeming prideful. 

He didn’t bring me OUT, He brought me THROUGH.